Drama, drama.....and more drama...

    Well, not really. You see, several months ago I came to the realization that drama kept falling on our doorstep. Turns out, it was because we welcomed it. Well, I did. In the last several years we have had what others would consider some very dramatic life events. Truthfully, several of them were very traumatic. What resulted, was a family that was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it did......every month or so.
Of course, I myself, latch on to my own children's problems in an effort to solve them. Big mistake. Don't get involved in  your adult children's problems. They can handle it on their own.
  Drama became normal and I had forgotten how to not have an emotional event occurring in my life. So a month or so ago I made the commitment to step back and just observe. I also have tried very hard not to mention any drama I have been privy too....Except in the case of my dear mom, who listens to every complaint I have and never herself complains. But I've tried to tone that down too....She should be happy, also!
  So it must be true that we are the creators of our own worlds. As we create our environment we can also, to a degree, pick and choose what we will allow in our world. It is a daily effort to contain the chaos and douse the drama. But, it is totally worth the effort. Not everything is that big of a deal! We sure can make it more important than it really needs to be, can't we?

Gemini

So if you know me you probably suspect I am a compilation of several personalities. Not schizophrenic, mind you. I can't even spell it. As a Gemini, I do tend to vasilate between organized thought Kathy and "woohoo!" Kathy. This demonstrates itself in my blogging. For instance, did you know that I actually have another blog of the same title? You can find it at this address; survivingfertility.com .  This is a wordpress blog. It is neatly presented as an offering to all of those poor souls who have endured some of the challenges that my family has. However, because I have the Woohoo side of me, it has yet to be completed. So this is what remains. Might I add that neither of these blogs seems particularly useful to anyone. Oh, well.  It has always been my opinion that blogging is on line journaling. and that's okay!  So when my mind rambles and you care to listen, this is the blog for you. When you need some help for the parenting beatings we get from time to time, check out the other. Hopefully, organized Kathy will get her act together and put the productive blog in order!!!
    Kathy

Cookie Cutter Families

So.....when I was imagining my family I made the mistake of creating an image in my head of what a family looks like, acts like, lives in and grows up to be. Big mistake. Why do we girls do that? It's ridiculous. Families come in all shapes and sizes.  They morph into different shapes and sizes and attitudes!
    This Christmas I had all of my family with me. It was crazy!  And I loved it! I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and cleaning all the time! I used to do all of that every Christmas when they were all little and I was ever the martyr because of it. This time was different, though.  I felt so much gratitude that I was able to serve and take care of my family.  I was just so happy that they were there and that I had an opportunity to spend time with them.
    So my family is a huge hodgepodge of personalities, sizes, values and ideals......at the end of the day we have the most important thing in common.  We all love on another.
    Is this the family I imagined I would have? Well sort of. It's big, it's fun, it's loving. The important things are there.  Last week I remembered the very day that I decided I wanted a big mormon family. 30 some years ago Norm and I were invited to a family home evening(mormon for family night) of a very large family. There were kids and babies and grandmas, grandpas, moms and dads. We were all watching a movie. I couldn't really hear the movie or pay attention to it.  All I felt was the spirit telling me that this was awesome. Family is the most important thing and they are forever no matter their shape or size. I realized in the past few weeks that I have realized that dream. It may be it's own version of what I saw that day, but it will do in a pinch.
    I am so grateful for the blessings that Heavenly Father has given to Norm and I, everyone of them.
     

Teach me all that I must "do" to live with him someday.

  In our Stake Conference today the theme centered around the temple. What I took away from it was 3 definite promptings that confirmed answers to a question I had been having for some time now. "Am I responsible for teaching my grandchildren about the gospel?." In retrospect, this was a no brainer. But many questions would confuse my thoughts on the subject. The agency of their parents, the ability to be consistent and the sacrifice of time.  Of course, we are all responsible for sharing the gospel with everyone, aren't we? But just how far does a grandparent go to insure that their descendents will return to Heavenly Father? Do we take them all to church, do we invite them to Family Home Evening and are we held accountable for our participation in their spiritual well-being? Today I learned that if the chance is there to contribute in any way to spiritual growth in these little spirits, no matter how great the sacrifice, we had better do it. No excuses with our children, none with our grandbabies, either. If at all possible, we need to do our best to get them home. Roll up your sleeves, Grandpa!

Welcome Fall!

I  realize it has been awhile since I've posted. However, in my defense, I have been working, upkeeping a class blog, oh and trying to manage life.  Last April, Angela and I were diagnosed with Celiac Disease. I considered keeping a blog of this experience, but there are millions. Or I could keep everyone  updated on life with a Fibromyalgia child, or how about an Asperger husband? And then I thought, well who the heck doesn't have issues in life?And don't forget my total disgust with the judicial system and cps.But I digress.
   No worries, we are all alive and well. We are learning to adjust to all of our inadequacies. We are learning patience. We are learning to trust in the Lord. Always learning.
   As we reach the year mark of Braydon being taken from Tab, I look back and feel much pain. But I also can see that life has been forced to slow down around  us.  Because of this, we can observe more things that are happening and make better judgements on how we will react to them in our lives. Reactions are a choice. Just as we have agency to choose between right and wrong. We have been given the agency to choose how will react to things that happen to us. It makes a difference. A difference between that horrible pain in your gut or the ability to just breathe.
   And so I choose to be appreciative of my issues. They will help me grow. And as I age, maybe I will have the wisdom and experience to be able to be that listening ear that my children and grandchildren will need in the coming years.It's all about acceptance, i guess.
    

Starkle, Starkle, Little Tink

    My dad was always singing a song I had never heard before or reciting funny stuff that I thought he had invented himself for most of my life. I think he took some creative license and changed things up or edited a few for me. He used to say to me(to the meter of twinkle twinkle little star):

              Starkle, starkle little twink

              Who the heck you are I think

              Way up in the high so sky

              Yous look big, huh?

   So, of course, I have recited it as such to my children. Well Google, being the infinite source of all knowledge(within reason), has led me to a poem that must have influenced my father's adaptation. It's a drinking poem.

Ha.ha. So here it is for my kids. Edit it as you wish or keep the Sam Hill version. Oh! And Happy Father's Day Daddy!

Starkle starkle little twink
who the heck you are I think
I'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol
I'm just a little slort of sheep
I'm not drunk like tinkle peep
I don't know who is me yet
but the drunker I stand here the longer I get
Just give me one more drink to fill me cup
'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up.

I wasn't expected, I was selected!!

     So today is my birthday. When I was younger, birthdays meant presents, maybe a party and usually a special day all around. When I started having children, I started thinking about the sacrifices that were made by others to make sure I could have a multitude of  Happy Birthdays. Each year of my life I realize the sacrifice and love of two beautiful women whom, for whatever reason, decided to exhibit the greatest love upon my entrance into the world. One mother gave me up and one mother took me home.I really can't think of anything more self-less than these two actions. As I ponder on the experiences of each of these women on my birthday, I am ever grateful for the choices made, painful and joyful, and for the sincere desire by each to choose the best for me when I was not yet old enough to make the choice myself. Sure, it's my birthday-but not really mine alone. It is a day to celebrate the love I hold in my heart for my two beautiful mothers. Thanks moms!